When the phone rings at 4:30 AM...

...I know something's up.  My heart is in my throat still. :(  And of course if it were just his nurse telling me he was okay, I would be okay and not be here.  Instead, it was the nurse practitioner.  Even more scary.

Long and short of it, we had a fairly good day yesterday until after dinner time.  I got back to the hospital after dinner with friends to find that he had been "naughty" according to his nurse.  His blood pressures had dropped fairly low and his WBC came back with a lot of bands.  With that, he was back on dopamine for his blood pressure and antibiotics in hopes to catch whatever was causing the high WBC issue.  They also started the indomethacin for his PDA yesterday.  His belly had still be bloated though which concerns me.  It looks (when we change his diaper) as though he's still working on a poop but with the indomethacin, it could still be awhile just because that can slow his bowels down.  Okay, so as if that didn't stress me out enough...

The nurse practitioner calling has sent me into no sleep mode.  They think he has free air in his abdominal cavity (hence bloated look of his belly).  She has surgery consulting to see if he needs a drain.  They also had X-rays to check his bowels and she's a bit concerned, so she's wondering if maybe he has a perforated bowel, again something that can be caused by the indomethacin for his PDA.  She also had them stop the ventilator briefly so that she could listen to his heart and he still has a loud murmur, so so far the indomethacin doesn't seem to have worked.  They think possibly his WBC stuff is now because of his bowels so he's on a new antibiotic, too.

The NP told me she didn't think that I needed to come in yet, but after she hears from surgery, she is going to call me.  *sigh* I'm a nervous wreck right now.  Surgery for my baby is dangerous right now...but what's happening is even more dangerous...I'm freaking out utterly and completely.  I'm so scared of what this could all mean for my baby.  And to top it off if the indomethacin isn't working, things may not get much better either because his PDA seems to be causing lots of issues in general.  I'm a mess...and of course Cam isn't here.  I called him, but he doesn't seem in a hurry to get here.  And i know it's because there is nothing we can do for Sammy right now, but it would be easier for me if Cam were here or we were together.  I just don't know if I can handle doing this without him for the next three months...but I just want there to BE a next three months...I'm so scared for my baby!  Here's where my anxiety is going to grab control of the wheel and send me into a crazy mess of emotions.  I'm still so hormonal...

The one good part of this is that the NP said that Sammy still seemed to behave okay and was acting well, so she thinks maybe they've caught everything going on just before it is affecting him in that way. That's great, but it still doesn't make it much easier to hear all this stuff.  She's supposed to call me back after she hears from surgery about their consult.  She told me to try to get a couple more hours of sleep if I can because she didn't think I had to come in yet.  I know that if I went in, there's probably not much I could do, but I feel guilty staying here when he is dealing with all this.  And as if I can really sleep now that she's called!  Plus she said she would call back and if I didn't hear from her within an hour to call back for her.  *sigh* So we wait.  Patience is a virtue, right?  Working on that right now...