Since I posted about the neonatal doc scariness, a lot as happened, as you can see.
I went home on Saturday afternoon after my numbers all started to look great again. We even went on a quick grocery trip. I was bound and determined to eat EVEN better. The gastro docs thought my pain and elevated liver enzymes MAY have been caused by the Prevacid I was taking to help my heart burn. It's a very small chance, but it was a chance, so I was determined to control it with food. I enjoyed a great dinner and relaxation with my hubby including a movie. :) We had a great night.
I woke up Monday morning with the pain slowly coming back...slowly getting worse. I wasn't sure if it was just going to stay the dull pain or not, so I kind of waited it out before waking Camden up. No such luck, it continued to get worse. After waking him up, I called the hospital and they asked me to come in.
By the time we got to the hospital, I was in tears in pain. The pain that I'd had the week before...not even close to the same level...it just kept getting worse. Let's put it this way, the whole day was a blur. I can't tell you which nurses were here or what meds I was on. Nothing. All I know is I had some meds that didn't work and then finally was given some that did and took a nap. After all my bloodwork, my liver enzymes were climbing and my platelets were dropping. All along my blood pressure wasn't too bad, but the combination of the other two was scary. They couldn't explain my pain with the exception that my liver was swelling. The problem is, once your liver swells to a certain point, it's deadly...and not just for the babies. In combination with my platelets dropping and even just my minorly high blood pressure, it was clear that there was no way I could continue to carry my boys as it would be a complete detriment to my health.
At 6:00 we were told that they would be delivering Sam and Andy at approximately 6:30. I had to review what type of anesthesia I wanted (general or spinal) and sign all the consents. I'm not even sure I was aware enough to sign the consents, but I somewhat remember the conversations, so I guess that's consent, right? Ugh! I chose to do a spinal thinking recovering from that would be easier...
Now let me tell you, getting the spinal itself done was perfectly fine. The anesthesiologist was amazing and I don't even really remember it getting done...of course being scared out of your mind about what's about to happen kind of helps that be a blur, too. It felt very strange to feel nothing from the chest down, but I knew if I did the spinal, Cam could be in the room with me. Hindsight being 20/20 I don't know that it would have made any difference. Because of the emergency of our C-section, they did not even tell me when the babies were born. And of course at 24 weeks, 3 days old, they don't have the capacity to cry because of how underdeveloped their lungs are. I am pretty sure that made me even more scared. Once the boys were out, it was time to take care of the placentas and everything and stitch me up. Because of all the pulling and tugging and everything, I couldn't handle it anymore and was vomiting, so the anesthesiologist offered to knock me out for the last 30 minutes of the procedure. That helped a lot, but it didn't take away the scariness.
I got back to my room after everything and was drowsy beyond all. I expected our families (parents) to be here, but not Cam. They had told us he would be able to go with the boys...but apparently they hadn't allowed him to go with the boys at all. Sam was born at 7:02 PM and Andy at 7:05 PM and that's all we knew. Three hours later, we were finally allowed to go see them and they shared their sizes and everything with us.
Now let me tell you...having your babies basically ripped out of your belly is not conducive to feeling like a mom right away like that ideal moment that everyone pictures. Even 36 hours later, I'm not sure I feel like a mom quite yet either. But that moment I saw them for the first time...all hooked up to all the tubes...I couldn't stop crying. My little boys that had been kicking me and hiccupping in my belly just hours before were outside my belly and I couldn't take care of them anymore. My trust now all has to go to the doctors who have done this before. Don't let any one EVER tell you that it is not an overwhelming and emotional moment...there is something about seeing your babies all hooked up to tubes and machines that IS scary and it IS okay to cry. I still cry typing this thinking about that first moment. But it's one day at a time, one day at a time...
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