I was thinking a lot this morning about the statement "I can't wait..." I thought a lot about this while we were in the hospital, too. We throw around this statement so much. "I can't wait to meet my boys." "I can't wait until the NICU journey is over." I could have waited for each of those if it meant bringing home my two healthy boys. Not that it's not okay to dream, no, that's not it. Dreaming and wishing for later are two different things. Wishing for later is not looking at the moment you're in. Dreaming is thinking and hoping about things to come and using the here and now to determine how to get there. Dreams and hope...they are powerful things and shouldn't be confused with wishing the moments away!
So many people (including myself) live each moment looking forward to the next. I look back at my pregnancy and wish that I had relished it more. Taken more pictures. Enjoyed it more....not wished for the next moment. I wish I had relished the time with my boys more. I know I spent as much time in the ICN as I could, and I showed them all the love I possibly could, but I wish I hadn't lived each moment looking forward to the next. Not that I have regrets. I always told myself I would never live my life with regrets, and I still honor that. BUT I do realize that I need to live for the moment. Enjoy the here and now. I vow to do that...in honor of my beautiful sons. They have changed me and my life forever. I owe it to them to live in the here and now honoring them in any way I can and just taking it one minute at a time.
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