I'm Still Fragile...Handle with Care

It may have been three years since we said goodbye to Sammy and Andy...and Ben may be 18 months old...but I still fight those feelings...those same feelings I had both before I was ever pregnant at all and the ones that first year after Sammy and Andy were born and passed.  I still ache for my babies.  I still struggle with being thankful...

Why I Write

I have found that the more I write, the more I wonder why...and the less I write, the more I wonder why I don't.  I am trying to find my place and the meaning of this blog to me now.

Behind Closed Doors...and Eyes...

I think sometimes people think I have it all put together.  That I am strong and that I move through each day with ease.  In reality?  My house is a mess, my mind is a mess, and I feel utterly overwhelmed and like a crazy person!

Beginning Year 3 a New Me

If you asked me three years ago if I thought I'd be here, in this place, in this mindset, I would have told you no way in hell.  Today, I look back and feel as though I have made the best choices for myself over the past three years and the best choices for my family.  Me three years ago seems far away.  I am a new me in many, many different ways.

Coming up on Three...

As I look at all of the back-to-school photos on my Facebook timeline, I realize that if things were different, I could have two kids going to preschool for the first of two years.  How is that possible?  How is it possible that my boys would have been THREE in just a few short days?  How have I made it through the past three years?  I can't even figure it out...

Showers and Rainbows

I was so lucky to celebrate a beautiful little rainbow with friends and friends I consider family today.

Mother's Day 2015 and Thoughts on Parenting my Rainbow

This is a week late, but better late than never, right?

This year marked my third Mother's Day.  My third Mother's Day without Sammy and Andy.  But my first Mother's Day with Ben.  So to many, I guess it looks like my first "real" Mother's Day.

Why I don't post more pictures...

I'm sure many people are wondering why I'm not yelling from a roof top on FB about Ben or why I'm not posting more pictures...

March for Babies 2015

It's been a hectic couple of weeks gearing up for the Upper Valley March for Babies at Dartmouth Hitchcock Medical Center!

Battle of the Badges 2015

We are so very lucky to be in the LEO (law enforcement officer) family and you can never get enough of the LEO/fire rivalry.  One of the best examples is our local Children's Hospital fundraiser, the CHaD Battle of the Badges, a hockey game of fire vs. police.

March for Babies 2015

March for Babies is coming up SO quickly!!  I feel like time got away with me this year and I'm so far behind in getting myself together for it.  Our team is dwindling as people move onto other things, but I'm still just SO thankful for all of the people who donate in memory of my baby boys.  We are so very lucky.

Why I've Been MIA

I've been enjoying motherhood.  The best I can when sleep deprived and working a 32-hour-per-week job.  But what I heard over and over and didn't want to listen to?  IT'S HARD WORK!!!