Day 30. Your Grief – Tell The World What do you want the world to know about this road you are travelling? Do you just want your baby’s name to be spoken? Do you want others to know they are not alone? Whatever it is, write it down on a piece of paper and hold it up for the world to see! (We will be making a video clip of these images from this particular day!)
Day 31. Sunset To close this project and month I thought that we could all photograph the sunset from wherever we are in the world. If there is no sunset where you are, you can still take a photo of the early evening sky. You just need to be able to get to a window. Remember to caption what State/Country you are from and the time.
Which is why I haven't posted.
Day 30...I have hesitated taking a picture of myself...because every time I go to do it, I'm in tears...and maybe that'd make a great photo...but I just don't know if I want the world to see my tears...talking them and sharing them this way is one thing...but sharing them in a photo is hard for me...I can hold it together so well most of the time, but then I have days that are impossible.......
What I want the world to know is that there is no "getting over it" and that I will always, always, always have a piece of me missing. No matter how I have a family or when, my boys will always be missing. Even when there are other happy feet around my house...there will be four little feet missing. I will always be missing something. A piece of me, a piece of my heart. A hole will always exist. There is NO filling it. No other children, no other life, no nothing will fill that hole. Ever. I will forever feel broken. I will put a smile on and I will be okay, but I will always feel broken. No words can make that feeling go away. So please don't try. Please don't try to "make me feel better" because nothing you say or do will do that because nothing will ever make this right. Nothing will ever fix this...no one can fix this. But I will be okay. I will find a new way. I am a changed person because of what has happened. I am not the me I was before. Please don't expect me to be the same person. I will become stronger and will be okay, but I am not who I was before and trying to push me to be that person won't work. I am okay, but I am different. I am forever changed and will forever feel broken because two small pieces of my heart aren't here with me.
Day 31 sunset...there was no sunset on October 31 here. It was cloudy and raining. There wasn't a good break in the clouds to get a good sunset, so instead I'll share one of the last sunsets at the lake before the boys were born...
The Capture Your Grief project has been great. I really have used it as a way to exaggerate on what I'm going through right now. I look forward to the project next year and going back and comparing this year to next. I will be interested to see how I have grown through my grief. Right now I am still so raw and the wounds so fresh...next year I hope the scabs will have formed, and I will have a new insight to my grief. For now, I'm just moving forward, one day at a time...
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