Back to Work

I went back to work this week.  I think y'all know I've been anxious and worried about going back to work.  I don't feel interested in it anymore, and I was really worried about being able to focus and do my job.

It was hard to go back my first day...I told Camden that I think the hard part was seeing that everyone's lives and work had continued moving on like normal and I don't feel normal.  Nothing about my life feels normal.  I feel stuck in September.  Everything about what happened holds me back.  I don't feel like my life has moved forward at all.  Work was my first exposure to the fact that all my coworkers lives had moved on.  Projects I had started working on in August have moved on without me.  Everything has changed.  Offices are rearranged.  People have left and new people have come.  It's so different it's overwhelming.

I was pretty proud of myself.  I actually accomplished some work on my first day.  And doing the work wasn't that difficult.  Like riding a bike.  I'm still excited about the projects going on.  I'm still interested in and have fun doing certain aspects of my job (and not others...like a normal person).  It wasn't so bad in that sense.

Being back at work also means having a routine.  I've noticed I eat better.  Not only healthier snacks (which is a conscious effort), but the frequency that I should be eating.  Unlike at home where I just don't eat because I don't feel hungry.  I actually eat every 2-3 hours like the dietician recommended.  I'm proud of myself in that sense.  I'm drinking MUCH more water which feels better, too.  And I even SLEEP better! Yay me!  I was able to go to sleep on Wednesday night by 11:00 PM and fall asleep.  No nightmares and I slept straight through to 9:00 AM!  Which of course caused problems for going to bed last night.  But even though I probably didn't fall asleep until 11:30 PM, I was up at 5:00 AM with no problem!  And I felt good and could do my work today.  I still have to skip from task to task in order to keep my brain working.  I still have a hard time focusing on one task for an extended period of time.  Focus and concentration are NOT in my favor right now.  But that's okay...I'm hoping meeting with the psychiatrist next week will help with some of that...

I'm still only working part-time for now.  I don't go back full-time until after the new year.  I'm feeling good about that.  I'm a little worried that going back full time in January will be difficult after not working full time by almost 4 months at that point, but I won't know until I try...