Mourning the "other" losses

I don't remember if I've typed about this...but I'm finding it easier to write and talk about my loss(es) without crying incessantly every time.  I guess that's what time heals...the ability to think about it without crying.  I think about it all the time, but the not crying is new.  It doesn't mean I never cry...it just means it's easier to control the tears....

Self Preservation

This week has been rough.  I can't tell you exactly why, but I think that hormones probably have something to do with it.  Being a girl sucks, but I'm hoping that the crazy hormones mean that maybe for once my body is doing what it's supposed to.  Maybe for once I can hope for things to go a little more naturally this time around....

But that's not what I'm writing about right now...I'm writing about what my hormones have done to my patience this week surrounding Facebook...

The State of Mental Healthcare

DISCLAIMER: Political views shared.  I accept RESPECTFUL rebuttals, but do not accept judgement.  I will delete any responses that are not respectful.

Please also note that although I personally did not vote for Obama, nor do I necessarily agree with his policies or proposals, he's still our president.  I still respect that he is.  Not agreeing with a person does not mean that I don't hold respect for that person, whether it is our president or any other person in my life.

Clueless

I don't really know what I came here to blog about tonight...I just feel clueless...I feel helpless...I just wish that I could curl up in my warm bed with two warm, squirmy little boys...all I want is to hold Sammy & Andy....just one more minute...hold them both at once...

Liebster Award

RULES

This award is given to new or up and coming bloggers who have less than 200 followers. The award is then passed along to other bloggers in the same category to help spread the word and support one another.

1. Answer the questions the tagger has set for you.

2. Then, create 11 new questions for the bloggers you pass the award to.

3. Choose 11 new bloggers (with less than 200 followers) to pass the award to and link them in your post.

4. Go back to their page and tell them about the award.

5. No tag backs.

Thank you for the nomination, Avery's Mommy!  Here are the answers to your questions... 

Adoption Questions

After going to our adoption prep seminar yesterday, I realized in talking to the other potential adoptive parents that we encounter a lot of annoying frustrating unintelligent curiosity-seeking people when we say we're pursuing adoption.  I want to dispel the myths and answer the questions here and now.  Feel free to put any others out there, and I will provide you an answer in a future post.

Do you have children?

You can read all the books and websites and message boards you want, but NOTHING, I mean NOTHING, prepares you for answering this question.

Needing a Pick-Me-Up

With the way my day ended (even though the rest of it was okay...), this music video and song always seem to make me feel better....

Relationships

I have been talking with a few friends this past week about the way many of our relationships have changed over the past four months.  The people I thought would be there aren't at all.  The people that I least expected or never even knew are there every moment for every need.

Planning for March for Babies

I haven't talked a lot about Kristy and I will leave her story for her to tell, but the long and short of it is that her twin girls were born 16 weeks too early as well, just about a month after my boys.  We were introduced through a mutual friend and we became fast friends.  When we started talking about what we could do to honor our four beautiful babies, March of Dimes was really a given.

Footprints

I found this poem via one of the Facebook groups I found after the boys passed away and fell in love with it...

"These are my footprints,
so perfect and so small.
These tiny footprints
never touched the ground at all.
Not one tiny footprint,
for now I have wings.
These tiny footprints were meant
for other things.
You will hear my tiny footprints,
in the patter of the rain.
Gentle drops like angel's tears,
of joy and not from pain.
You will see my tiny footprints,
in each butterflies' lazy dance.
I'll let you know I'm with you,
if you just give me the chance.
You will see my tiny footprints,
in the rustle of the leaves.
I will whisper names into the wind,
and call each one that grieves.
Most of all, these tiny footprints,
are found on Mommy and Daddy's hearts.
'Cause even though I'm gone now,
We'll never truly part."
-Author Unknown

I don't know how many people know this, but the boys' footprints and the image of footprints are what I use to represent them.  My cremation necklace is a path of footprints.  I bought another charm to go with it with a set of footprints on it.  I also have their footprints tattooed on the tops of my feet.  Their tiny feet mean the world.  I always will treasure their tiny footprints.

Expectations for the New Year

I like the idea of a new year's resolution, but I'm never successful at them.  Who is though, right?  For me it's a new year to set goals.  And I always set goals for myself.  Sometimes it takes me longer to complete them, but when I set goals, I make them happen.  So here's what I want to make happen in 2013...