Everything going on in Connecticut today just breaks my heart. For those who aren't from here or haven't watched the news, a 20 year old went into an elementary school after killing his own mother (a teacher at the school) and ended up shooting a total of 26 people and himself. Twenty were children.
My heart breaks. I have an idea of what those moms (and dads) are feeling. Knowing that this Christmas won't be spent with the children they thought they'd have. Knowing that all their hopes and dreams for theirs and their children's futures just died along with their child. Everything about it sucks. There's no easier way to put it. Nothing anyone says or does will make it easier for anyone involved in this situation.
And to top it off...in such a heartless and mindless tragedy! I can't even begin to imagine sending my kid to school and then never picking them up again. Losing my boys at 3 days and 3 weeks was hard enough...losing them at 4, 5, 6, 7 years old...I can't imagine.
Then I start to think about the children that are still alive. The ones who watched their teachers, parents, classmates killed. Who had to walk past the bodies and blood. Will they EVER forget it? I assume not. I will never forget seeing my boys in a tragic situation and as an adult I have the capacity to seek help, to speak up, to intelligently understand. As a child...I just can't even imagine...it's so horrific!
I cried reading and listening to the news. I felt like I was in this state of shock. Like a numbness and a hurt that fell over me...an empathy and sadness for those parents. I'm hurting for them...and reliving my own pain all the time already, it just struck that nerve...it brought back the pain...opened the wound wide open again. I don't think anyone can understand the loss of a child until he/she has been through it...and then to feel it over and over again when you hear that someone else has experienced the same thing, it just brings it back. It brings the hurt, the tears, brings it all back.
It angers me that the gunman got the LUXURY of shooting himself. He should have had to suffer through jail time, trials, and the scrutiny. I know it would mean everyone reliving it all through trials, but at the same time, what justice is there? Rotting in jail seems like a better justice to me. And not that I don't think some people should die for killing other people (an eye for an eye right?), but at the same time, I think people should have to pay for and suffer for their crimes. Why should they get the easy way out? And the death penalty? That's just an end...they don't suffer. What good is there in that? But I won't get into the politics right now (don't even get me STARTED on the people pushing for gun control already...my one and only comment is that gun control laws only keep law abiding citizens from having guns. Criminals will always find a way.).
Anywho - I hope for those parents that they can find strength in each other...in a community of parents grieving children whether lost 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months, 3 years, 30 years, or any number in between. They aren't alone. I'm not alone either. We have each other to lean on. To know that it sucks. Life is unfair and that people and the world are cruel at times. Life will go on, albeit differently, strangely, and sadly...but it does move on. Each day we are alive is a day to be thankful and know that we have beautiful children looking out for us...children too beautiful for earth.
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