A Glimmer of Hope

I have ideas for a number of blog posts right now and I just haven't taken some time to write them!  So you may get quite a few in the next day or two...yay! :)  I think what I'm most excited to share is the experience we had with our fertility doctors...

Yesterday afternoon, we had an appointment with our fertility doctors.  Remember, I have worked with reproductive endocrinology & infertility (REI) for three years before the boys were conceived...the appointment was full of tears.  The LNA that checked me in was with me the first day I found out I was pregnant, the day I spent hours at the hospital because of my ovarian hyperstimulation (OHSS).  Round one of the tears!  Then the RN I have worked with for 3 years came in to see me and that's when the water works really started...it took me a long time to recover from those tears...and of course Dr. R came in right after as I'm trying to compose myself.  His resident was actually a resident who was working in the birthing pavilion when I was being seen before and after the boys were born, so seeing her was nice, too.  Although Dr. R came in just as I was doing IVF, I have known him for awhile through all of my fertility journey.  I know his wife well (she's a pediatrician) and love them both dearly both as doctors and as people.  So there's the background...

My appointment went so well.  After Dr. P in high risk OB had hinted that I may not get fertility assistance, I had been freaking out for the two months it took me to get an appointment with REI.  I was scared and anxious and all the emotions in between.  Not that we are 100% comfortable with the idea of another pregnancy...I'm not sure we ever will be after this outcome, but the idea that we may not even get help to get pregnant was a scary thought!  Yes, we have time on our side, but after a lifetime of being anovulatory, it was a scary thought to think that if we were okay with it and in a good place and wanted it that we may not get the help we needed.

Dr. R is amazing.  I cannot begin to tell you how much I respect and just feel so comfortable with him.  I trust him to the highest extent and what he says means a lot to me.  He told us there is NO reason we won't get help from them to get pregnant again.  BIG sigh of relief.  I feel like Cam and I must have been smiling from ear to ear when he said that.

Then we went into specifics...the goal will be to reduce my chances of multiples and OHSS as much as possible.  We will do a single embryo transfer.  In order to increase our chances of the single embryo implanting, he'd like to transfer the embryo on day 5 (at blastocyst stage) rather than day 3.  We transferred both embryos on day 3 this time with no embryos to freeze, so we're starting from scratch.  He still isn't recommending ICSI (which is where the sperm is inserted directly into the egg rather than them finding each other on their own - in layman's terms).  Of course, there's always the higher risk of identical twins in a single embryo transfer through IVF because the embryo is growing in a more unstable environment (i.e. your uterus is the most stable environment).

So then reducing our chances of OHSS...apparently there's a medication that I can take for the 7 days after my hCG trigger that will significantly reduce my risk of getting it.  The downside to the medication is that it could make me really really nauseous for that week.  But hey, I'll take nausea for a week over two paracentesis procedures and/or feeling like crap for 12 weeks thanks to the OHSS!  He also mentioned that he thought he'd seen some research that said that HELLP and gestational diabetes could be linked to OHSS, so maybe by reducing OHSS, we'll reduce our chances of HELLP, too! 

We've still got a lot of questions on HELLP and I'm not sure that we'll ever have answers (or answers we're satisfied with anyways), but knowing that there's hope is the most I could ask for right now.  That there's this possibility is the most reassuring thing.  That we can get help getting pregnant.  That the doctors are committed to reducing the chances of this happening again.  It makes me feel like there's hope.  Hope that we can have another baby.  Hope that maybe we can have a HEALTHY baby.  That my boys will have a little sister or brother.  We're still pursuing adoption, too, but just this information is a huge reassurance and creates such a feeling of hope and relief.  I'm excited for the future!  Even though we probably won't do IVF until the end of 2013 or mid-2014....