I always dreamed of sharing the news of our pregnancy in such a different way. Infertility and IVF really took that away from me. Though I guess if I hadn't been so open about these things, I also could have had a bigger way of announcing it to our family and friends. Then again, without their support through it all, would it have even worked? It's a really hard thing when I had always imagined sharing with our parents the way my husband wanted to and we just couldn't. And at what point do you share vs. don't you? It was such a difficult time for us, sharing our news, that it seems, in hindsight, like everything else overshadowed the excitement.
A little background...IVF can cause complications (duh, what medical procedure can't, right?). Things like infection, clots, and ovarian hyper stimulation to name a few. I was one of the unlucky few who had ovarian hyper stimulation. I went back to work two days after our embryo transfer and slowly started feeling worse and worse and more and more bloated. After about 9 days, I decided I'd had enough and called my doctor. I went in for ultrasounds and blood work to find out that my abdomen was filled with fluid. When your ovaries are stimulated to produce eggs, the blood vessels around them can begin to not hold fluid, so hey, the more water you drink, the more fluid you get...and I drink a lot of water. I had almost 2 liters of fluid drained from my abdomen the same day I found out I was pregnant.
With hubby's work, he wasn't at the hospital with me. I'm lucky and have some amazing coworkers that joined me at the hospital as a lot of my day was spent sitting around and waiting and I was so uncomfortable and restless. However, in that situation all I wanted was my husband. After being at the hospital for almost 6 hours, they finally told me that I was pregnant...and that I'd need a paracentesis (the process of having the fluid drained). I called my husband and told him, but I had really dreamed of us sitting together and finding out. Yet my first disappointment.
I had called my mother-in-law knowing I couldn't drive myself home and needed someone to do it, so she was at the hospital with me for my paracentesis. This procedure is VERY uncomfortable. They use a transvaginal ultrasound guided needle and no anesthesia whatsoever and drain the fluid from around your ovaries. Very very painful initially, though the process of drawing back the fluid is not. My fabulous fertility doctor stopped in before the procedure to congratulate me...before I had told my mother-in-law that I was pregnant. Woops! So here I am sitting with my legs up and I tell my mother-in-law. Yup...that's an exciting way to share. Cam had always wanted to tell his mom by giving her a "happy ____, grandma" card. So much for that!
During all this, I had refused to call my parents. I didn't want them to worry. I knew my mother-in-law could keep me sane through it all and my own mom would be so worried it would make it worse for me. So after spending all day in the hospital and being put out of work for the foreseeable future (and also not being able to drive for the foreseeable future), I figured I should call my parents. So I had to give them the bad (OHSS) and good (yay, you're gonna be grandparents) news over the phone. I didn't get to see their faces or share in a big hug when I told them. Highly disappointing.
For my friends, the few that knew what was going on, I let know when we found out. I would have anyways, so that really wasn't any different. But then again, the only reason I would have let them know was because they knew about my IVF and our fertility struggles... And then my coworkers...it would have been nice to wait until I was at least 12 weeks to tell them, but after being out of work for 5 days for IVF and then being out for the OHSS, I knew that I couldn't really say, "Hey, yeah, I had IVF a month ago and I still don't know." Yeah, right. Actually most of my coworkers knew before most of our family. Then again, I'm with them EVERY day.
We did wait until 12 weeks, after we'd heard the babies' heart beats at our OB appointment, before telling the rest of the family. And at this point we had pictures to share, too. :) We got to tell all of our grandparents in person, which was nice. The babies are not their first great grandchildren (with the exception of my maternal grandparents), but are the first great grandsons, which is exciting. They are all so happy for us. I mean, it's different than our cousins in a way...we've been together 9 years, married for 4, own a house, have great jobs...we're very settled and as ready as one can ever be for children.
After three years of infertility, I also chose not to share anything on Facebook officially. It just felt so tacky. And after fighting with infertility and being frustrated, jealous, and upset when others would make silly big announcements and change their profile pictures to their ultrasound, I just didn't want to do that to any friends I may have going through the same thing. It's not fair. I also don't complain about my pregnancy on Facebook. There are things that suck, no doubt, about being pregnant, but I'm so blessed to even be here that it's hard to have complaints. Another thing I don't want anyone struggling with infertility to see...me complaining about being pregnant when that's all someone with infertility wants. I used to get SO mad when people would do that. It was all I wanted and someone was b#$(!()$*ing about it...no thanks, I won't be that person!
Hindsight, I'm not sure I would have changed any of the ways we told our family, but at the same time, I sometimes wish that we hadn't had this silly battle with infertility and had to do IVF...the excitement would have been so much more fun to share if we could have had a fun pregnancy announcement. I like to check out all the fun pictures of how people told their families...using pets, other kids, etc. And I do wish we could have done this, but I know that life has a strange way of working out and no way is a better way than another...it's just the way it is.
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