As I was thinking about all the things that I thought would be different being pregnant, I realized I should just start a blog...to share my daily ponderings but also to share the great, the good, the bad, and the ugly of not only being pregnant with twins but raising them.
I'm going to make today's focus be on how we got here and some of my feelings leading up to today. Be forewarned, I'm blatantly honest and brutally truthful at times. If you don't like it, I don't care. I'm writing this for me, my family, my boys, and anyone who actually does care.
Starting at the beginning...I knew from my teenage years I had PCOS, but hey, at 14, who the heck knows what that is or what it means, right? For inquiring minds...PCOS stands for poly cystic ovarian syndrome. For some, it's just a hormonal imbalance while for others it can mean painful cysts on your ovaries (hey, that's where the name comes from). I'm one of the lucky few who got diagnosed and prescribed birth control to deal with the hormones...hence never dealing with cysts. What it did mean is that when my husband and I tried to get pregnant, it meant some pretty big hurdles. After a struggle at trying the good old fashioned way, we sought out the help of fertility doctors. After three different oral medications and no luck, we moved on to injectable medications. Now let me tell you, these are NOT fun and they are NOT covered by most insurances...and are VERY expensive.
My feelings of unfairness started here...I got frustrated and jealous of everyone around me who could lay on top of each other and get pregnant on the first try. I pushed away these friends and really sought out people who could accept that I had these feelings. The reason I share this here is because I want mommas to know that it's okay...it's normal. SHARE with people that understand. It's the only way I was able to make it through. And honestly, some people couldn't understand, but they were supportive and didn't judge me for being a horrible b#@!($ because I was hurt and upset.
Anyways, that's besides the point...injectable medications are only fun for so long until they don't work either. I was ovulating (finally!) and they still weren't working. Eventually you have to measure the cost versus the benefit. This is where, after 5 tries with injectable medications and over $10k later, we decided that IVF would be a more cost effective route. And so it went...
IVF stands for invitro-fertilziation. It's what most old-timers like to call "test tube babies." They take my pieces (eggs) and my husband's pieces (sperm) and meet them in a lab and hope that the sperm fertilize the eggs. We were lucky with 9 eggs from my egg harvest, but not so lucky that only 4 fertlized. After three days of growing from blastocysts to embryos, we were able to see how well the little things had done...yet another unlucky. Doctors like to see 6-8 cell embryos and then they grade them A-F on their visual quality. We had a 6-cell B, 6 cell B-, 5 cell B, and a 4 cell C. Not so good. When you're paying almost $10k out of your pocket, what do you do? Do you transfer one of the 6 cell embryos and hope it works and know that the chances of freezing any after that day are about zilch? Or do you transfer two and take your shot? Well, we made the decision that it was all or nothing and transferred two. After all we wanted two kids, right? What's the harm in getting it over with in one shot?
At 6 weeks, we went in for an ultrasound and saw what looked like two sacs but only one visible yolk sac (this is what develops into baby and all its pieces). Sometimes mommas can see a heart beat at this stage, but we didn't have any luck. Back again 10 days later we saw two babies and two heart beats. Most exciting moment of my life! Though...I have to say, they didn't really look like babies...more like blobs. That's okay though, I knew they were babies...my babies.
With some concerns over an ectopic pregnancy, we went back for another ultrasound two weeks later and saw the babies again...this time they looked like gummy bears. A little more like babies finally! This is when our wonderful reproductive team turned us over to the obstetrics team. Ten days later, we went in for that first visit and heard the babies' heart beats for the first time. Completely different feeling from seeing them! Hearing them was amazing!
A couple of months later we FINALLY got to see our babies again. This time for almost an hour and a half...and to find out that we were having two...BOYS! Now don't get me wrong, with fraternal twins, I really was hoping for one of each, BUT I have to say, I'm really really excited for two boys. I've wanted a son since I knew I wanted kids and to have two is such a blessing. We've chosen their names...well at least their first names...Samuel and Andrew, or Sam and Andy for short. And we are soooo very excited for their arrival!!
At 20 weeks, that's our story so far, but my hope is to share more bits and pieces each day! Keep checking back!!
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