I know I've been MIA lately, so I need to do a bit of updating...so here goes...
I called the hospital Sun night for pain in my abdomen and they asked me to come in so they could check my blood pressure. I went in and spent 5 hours being monitored and them trying to figure out what was going on. My blood pressure was slightly high thanks to my lovely pain response, but no protein in my urine and everything else was looking okay. I got sick thanks to some severe nausea, but that didn't relieve the pain either. :( Both boys heart beats were great though so that's always a good sign. They took labs and my liver tests came back LOWER than they were when I had my OHSS, so that was good news. Bad news was no clue what it was. :-S They gave me Pepcid thinking that would resolve some heart burn issues...no luck. So then I ended up having a Maalox/Benedryl/Lidocaine mixture that made me feel better enough that I could go home. Plus, it was 1AM, so I was a sleepy girl. I slept and all was good on Monday. I stayed home from work since I hadn't gotten home until 2AM, but I felt okay. The sore area was still tender but I could eat and function like a normal human being again at least!
Back to normal on Tuesday and Wednesday...then Thursday morning, I woke at 3:00 AM just not feeling well. I had really bad shoulder pain and just felt all around not well. I tossed and turned and tried sleeping on the couch...then finally slept for about 45 minutes. I took the bus to work thinking a nap on the bus would help and I'd be able to get work done. No such luck...I couldn't function at work at all and had Cam come pick me up and take me home. I went home and slept for 3 hours, woke up and had a snack but then within half an hour, I had the same pain all over again. Uh oh...I waited an hour or so to see if it would go away. No such luck. Cam was at work, so I had a wonderful friend who was coming to see me anyways who brought me to the hospital and stayed with me. I felt even worse last night than Sun night. I couldn't even make it to the hospital before I vomited everything I had eaten all day. :-S
Once at the hospital, they redid my blood work...tried to use the machine to do a non stress test on the boys...and all the same stuff as Sunday. The Maalox mixture helped, but not nearly as well as before. They ended up needing to use an ultrasound to check on the boys since they were moving too much to stay on the monitors. The good news was the boys looked great. Bad news was my liver enzymes went back up and my pain wasn't really going away...to top it off my blood pressure was staying slightly high. So I got admitted. Spent all night and morning in a room with a HORRIBLE roommate. She was something like 21 years old and talked constantly with her husband...and not quietly either. It was not a good night and morning in that room. Not relaxing at all. More blood work and finding out that I had an order for an ultrasound of my gastro system (liver/kidneys). My early morning bloodwork showed continuing elevations in my liver enzymes, a bit concerning. Then my mid-morning bloodwork showed my platelets dropping....and then the doctor started talking about delivering the boys TODAY. I'm just 24 weeks today...scary stuff!!!
I had the ultrasound...painful when they're pushing on your ribs and around scars from my gall bladder surgery. :-S But the doctors told me all came back well from that. Yay! Then the repeat bloodwork showed my platelets going back up. More good news, yay! So now that's where we're at. Waiting for more bloodwork again tonight to see how it keeps going. Hopefully I'll stabilize...though they still can't explain my pain. They're talking like I'll be on hospital bed rest until delivery now...not cool, but better than the boys being born today! I want them cooking for a lot longer... I'll update you more on our discussion with the neonatal doctors later...for now I'm going to go breathe easy and call our families. It's sounding like I'll have plenty of time to keep this updated at least until the boys get here!!
Friday, August 31, 2012
Friday, August 24, 2012
Mood Swings
I have to say one of the biggest side effects of being pregnant that I can really note is mood swings. And boy are they BAD!!
On a really really good day, I'm a happy, energetic person (my norm when I'm not pregnant, FYI) and can accomplish anything and everything that I need to. I can clean the house, get my work done in a timely manner and even have fun with my coworkers/friends and hubby.
But bad days...they are BAD! I cry constantly...get mad at my hubby for no real apparent reason...or I can just plain be a b)!*#. Scenario for you...Cam and I were neatening up the upstairs spare room to move all of his workout equipment up so we can finish the boys' bedroom (i.e. tear up carpet)...and he wouldn't move the chair for the boys room out of the spare room down into our bedroom. See my issue is that where he wanted to put it was somewhere that our ferrets could climb it to get into all the open(ish) boxes we had stacked. And our ferrets are notorious for dragging things off or chewing on things. My biggest concern is that my grandmother's dollhouse is in this vicinity as well and I have NEVER allowed them to climb near it. Well I flipped out. And to top it off, Cam had to work that afternoon. He didn't move the chair and I flipped out and decided to clean the laundry room (downstairs) area all by myself. We didn't even talk before he left for work. :( Horrible horrible day because I spent the rest of the afternoon crying. And then of course watched the latest season of Private Practice (where Amelia's baby dies)...smart, yes, I know. Just a great example of a bad day.
The problem is I have about one of these bad days a week...where I just don't want to do ANYthing...don't want to get out of bed...just want to lay on the couch and watch TV. Then I probably have at least one other day of the week where I really want to nest and don't have the energy to. I'm definitely in the nesting stage lately...but more on that later...
The boys are kicking hard this morning...must be time for a snack! More updates soon!!
On a really really good day, I'm a happy, energetic person (my norm when I'm not pregnant, FYI) and can accomplish anything and everything that I need to. I can clean the house, get my work done in a timely manner and even have fun with my coworkers/friends and hubby.
But bad days...they are BAD! I cry constantly...get mad at my hubby for no real apparent reason...or I can just plain be a b)!*#. Scenario for you...Cam and I were neatening up the upstairs spare room to move all of his workout equipment up so we can finish the boys' bedroom (i.e. tear up carpet)...and he wouldn't move the chair for the boys room out of the spare room down into our bedroom. See my issue is that where he wanted to put it was somewhere that our ferrets could climb it to get into all the open(ish) boxes we had stacked. And our ferrets are notorious for dragging things off or chewing on things. My biggest concern is that my grandmother's dollhouse is in this vicinity as well and I have NEVER allowed them to climb near it. Well I flipped out. And to top it off, Cam had to work that afternoon. He didn't move the chair and I flipped out and decided to clean the laundry room (downstairs) area all by myself. We didn't even talk before he left for work. :( Horrible horrible day because I spent the rest of the afternoon crying. And then of course watched the latest season of Private Practice (where Amelia's baby dies)...smart, yes, I know. Just a great example of a bad day.
The problem is I have about one of these bad days a week...where I just don't want to do ANYthing...don't want to get out of bed...just want to lay on the couch and watch TV. Then I probably have at least one other day of the week where I really want to nest and don't have the energy to. I'm definitely in the nesting stage lately...but more on that later...
The boys are kicking hard this morning...must be time for a snack! More updates soon!!
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Parenting Classes...
I apologize for my hiatus from my posts...so bad! I promised myself I would stay on top of these!
Cam and I did a parenting class through the hospital where the boys will be born last night. I will firstly admit that I messed up the time and we were 15 minutes late...FABULOUS...pregnancy brain in full swing. Oh well, we got to eat a nice dinner and continue to stock up on diapers (thank you, BJs!!).
The class was interesting...but the format was totally not for us. There was some talking/discussion and a couple of videos and then the "hands on" portion. The hands-on involved stations where you (mostly) read information. It wasn't a lot of activities. It felt so weird. There was information on breast feeding and the hospital stay, postpartum depression, spending time as a couple, etc. etc. And then there were swaddling and diaper changing stations with a couple of dolls. It was just awkward and there was no organization to it. I definitely plan on providing some good feedback for a different format. I felt like it would have benefited more from discussion of each thing and each couple doing the same thing at the same time rather than feeling so broken up. It was really weird.
The three things I learned from the class...and could have learned without paying the $40 to attend the class...
1. Because we are choosing not to circumcise the boys - how to clean them after diaper changes and baths.
2. Baby powder is useless unless you want the baby to smell like baby.
3. Best way to give baths both sponge and regular.
Needless to say, I wouldn't recommend the class in its current state. I expected it to be much more hands on than it was and a little more organized. Lesson learned.
The only other class we have booked is on breastfeeding, so I think that one will be much more informative and it's also in a much more intimate setting so that might help. We shall see. At this point, I'm not sure that Cam is going to be able to go, so it may just be me...though my bestie said she'd come with me if I wanted. :) We'll see! Cam's schedule is subject to change from day to day....
Cam and I did a parenting class through the hospital where the boys will be born last night. I will firstly admit that I messed up the time and we were 15 minutes late...FABULOUS...pregnancy brain in full swing. Oh well, we got to eat a nice dinner and continue to stock up on diapers (thank you, BJs!!).
The class was interesting...but the format was totally not for us. There was some talking/discussion and a couple of videos and then the "hands on" portion. The hands-on involved stations where you (mostly) read information. It wasn't a lot of activities. It felt so weird. There was information on breast feeding and the hospital stay, postpartum depression, spending time as a couple, etc. etc. And then there were swaddling and diaper changing stations with a couple of dolls. It was just awkward and there was no organization to it. I definitely plan on providing some good feedback for a different format. I felt like it would have benefited more from discussion of each thing and each couple doing the same thing at the same time rather than feeling so broken up. It was really weird.
The three things I learned from the class...and could have learned without paying the $40 to attend the class...
1. Because we are choosing not to circumcise the boys - how to clean them after diaper changes and baths.
2. Baby powder is useless unless you want the baby to smell like baby.
3. Best way to give baths both sponge and regular.
Needless to say, I wouldn't recommend the class in its current state. I expected it to be much more hands on than it was and a little more organized. Lesson learned.
The only other class we have booked is on breastfeeding, so I think that one will be much more informative and it's also in a much more intimate setting so that might help. We shall see. At this point, I'm not sure that Cam is going to be able to go, so it may just be me...though my bestie said she'd come with me if I wanted. :) We'll see! Cam's schedule is subject to change from day to day....
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Gestational Diabetes (and a crazy nurse)
I think I've mentioned it before that I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes at 13 weeks. They did early glucose screening due to the insulin resistance posed by my PCOS. I did the one hour and it was slightly elevated so then I did the 3 hour to receive my diagnosis. Fine, I wasn't too worried about it. I've been working on my diet for a very long time thanks to my PCOS and infertility. I've been meeting with nutritionists (of which I have yet to find one that I actually like) and cutting out sugars for almost three years. I haven't lost any weight, but I haven't gained any either. And I'm trying to make smarter food choices in general. I cut out soda almost completely with rare exception. I cut out almost all juice, too. And I even stopped eating ice cream every night after dinner. Big changes for me. But obviously not enough to keep me from having gestational diabetes.
When I was first diagnosed I met with a nutritionist...yet again, who told me the same stuff I've heard over and over. Though I do feel like I get some good pointers from the nutritionists, it's no where near what I need. I need a nutritionist who is going to sit down and hold me accountable for what I'm eating and teach me about the good and the bad of what I am eating and really give me the down low. Isn't that what they're supposed to be doing? Are my expectations just too high? I don't know. Anywho, that appointment was fine. No problems there. Then I got to meet with the diabetic counselor. Everyone told me how much I'd love her and she'd really help me and all this and that. I liked sitting down with her. She was informative and helpful. She showed me how to use my glucose monitor and all was well. She told me spreadsheets are fine if I want to e-mail her my test results after a week, which I did. I didn't hear anything. So then I waited 10 days and sent another spreadsheet and heard nothing. I e-mailed a third time and asked if she needed anything from me and she finally e-mailed me back with questions on my spreadsheet and apologizing because she had been on vacation. Okay, great, so she's getting my e-mails. Then she never responded again. I met with the doctor after my 18 week ultrasound and told him as far as what she had instructed my numbers seemed okay but that I hadn't heard from her and he didn't pay much mind. Then at my appointment on Tuesday, I finally got some feedback. The diabetic counselor is on vacation (again) and the nurse I met with said she'd take my spreadsheet and look at it for me. FINALLY someone who will give me some feedback hopefully!
So as a side-track, let's talk about this nurse that I met with Tuesday...totally insane...she came into the room and right away I could tell that hubby wouldn't like her. Then she started talking and was a total spaz. Loud, overbearing, overwhelming, and very annoying. Fine, but she's going to offer me answers finally! She answered all my questions and offered to have me send her my glucose measurements. Great!! Talking about the on the appointment for a minute...we heard both boys' heart beats loud and clear; I've gained 4 pounds (back, of the 7 I had lost at the beginning...weighing in at 3 pounds less than before I was preggers); and my blood pressure and heart rate were all normal. Yay!
Anyways, so yesterday (Weds), the nurse called me back after looking over my spreadsheet. She started the conversation asking me if I had been explained to about what gestational diabetes going uncontrolled meant and I said I had a general understanding. So then she proceeds to go on and on about all the risks, including the risk of death. Great, thanks, lady. I've been trying to get pregnant for three years. Oh yes, and she kept referring to my "baby"...obviously she didn't look at my chart before she called and didn't remember I'm having twins. To top it off, she never ONCE mentioned my PCOS. Okay, so really? This is the ONLY reason this is such a big issue (thank you, PCOS)...can we not acknowledge this? So then she doesn't give me any feedback on my numbers, but on eating consistently. Fine. But the way she went about it...HORRIBLE. She talked to me like I was a 16 year old who had no concept of what having children meant. She compared me not eating consistently to depriving my screaming child of food...basically saying if he was sitting in a high chair screaming I wouldn't not give him food. Okay, really? That's your analogy. I'm not eating when I'm not hungry...sooooo I'm not really sure how that applies....*sigh* She then proceeded to tell me how I needed to stop just thinking about me and start thinking about my babies and how this is going to prepare me to be a mom even before my babies are here. As I type this it doesn't sound as harsh as it did over the phone, but let me tell you...the way (and speed) at which she is talking like all this was crazy. I couldn't get a word in edgewise. It was just so overwhelming. There was never any acknowledgement that this is the first time I'm receiving feedback. Maybe if someone had talked to me a month ago about my blood sugar and eating consistently I could have had time to work on this, but no one has!! I spent the rest of the afternoon basically crying and not wanting to eat anything. It was horrible!!
Needless to say, I'm really struggling. My goal for this weekend is to make a meal plan and come up with ideas for quick, easy meals that I can have ready to eat either when or shortly after I get home. The nice part is that Cam will be off his FTO at his new job in a couple weeks so he can come home for dinner and I'm not just cooking for me. I tend to eat crappier when that's the case. :-S *sigh* I'm very frustrated and overwhelmed by gestational diabetes. I want to be a normal pregnant lady and just eat when I want, what I want, any time. I can't do that...two hours between everything I stick in my mouth and carb limits. All I want is a piece of freaken cake!!!
When I was first diagnosed I met with a nutritionist...yet again, who told me the same stuff I've heard over and over. Though I do feel like I get some good pointers from the nutritionists, it's no where near what I need. I need a nutritionist who is going to sit down and hold me accountable for what I'm eating and teach me about the good and the bad of what I am eating and really give me the down low. Isn't that what they're supposed to be doing? Are my expectations just too high? I don't know. Anywho, that appointment was fine. No problems there. Then I got to meet with the diabetic counselor. Everyone told me how much I'd love her and she'd really help me and all this and that. I liked sitting down with her. She was informative and helpful. She showed me how to use my glucose monitor and all was well. She told me spreadsheets are fine if I want to e-mail her my test results after a week, which I did. I didn't hear anything. So then I waited 10 days and sent another spreadsheet and heard nothing. I e-mailed a third time and asked if she needed anything from me and she finally e-mailed me back with questions on my spreadsheet and apologizing because she had been on vacation. Okay, great, so she's getting my e-mails. Then she never responded again. I met with the doctor after my 18 week ultrasound and told him as far as what she had instructed my numbers seemed okay but that I hadn't heard from her and he didn't pay much mind. Then at my appointment on Tuesday, I finally got some feedback. The diabetic counselor is on vacation (again) and the nurse I met with said she'd take my spreadsheet and look at it for me. FINALLY someone who will give me some feedback hopefully!
So as a side-track, let's talk about this nurse that I met with Tuesday...totally insane...she came into the room and right away I could tell that hubby wouldn't like her. Then she started talking and was a total spaz. Loud, overbearing, overwhelming, and very annoying. Fine, but she's going to offer me answers finally! She answered all my questions and offered to have me send her my glucose measurements. Great!! Talking about the on the appointment for a minute...we heard both boys' heart beats loud and clear; I've gained 4 pounds (back, of the 7 I had lost at the beginning...weighing in at 3 pounds less than before I was preggers); and my blood pressure and heart rate were all normal. Yay!
Anyways, so yesterday (Weds), the nurse called me back after looking over my spreadsheet. She started the conversation asking me if I had been explained to about what gestational diabetes going uncontrolled meant and I said I had a general understanding. So then she proceeds to go on and on about all the risks, including the risk of death. Great, thanks, lady. I've been trying to get pregnant for three years. Oh yes, and she kept referring to my "baby"...obviously she didn't look at my chart before she called and didn't remember I'm having twins. To top it off, she never ONCE mentioned my PCOS. Okay, so really? This is the ONLY reason this is such a big issue (thank you, PCOS)...can we not acknowledge this? So then she doesn't give me any feedback on my numbers, but on eating consistently. Fine. But the way she went about it...HORRIBLE. She talked to me like I was a 16 year old who had no concept of what having children meant. She compared me not eating consistently to depriving my screaming child of food...basically saying if he was sitting in a high chair screaming I wouldn't not give him food. Okay, really? That's your analogy. I'm not eating when I'm not hungry...sooooo I'm not really sure how that applies....*sigh* She then proceeded to tell me how I needed to stop just thinking about me and start thinking about my babies and how this is going to prepare me to be a mom even before my babies are here. As I type this it doesn't sound as harsh as it did over the phone, but let me tell you...the way (and speed) at which she is talking like all this was crazy. I couldn't get a word in edgewise. It was just so overwhelming. There was never any acknowledgement that this is the first time I'm receiving feedback. Maybe if someone had talked to me a month ago about my blood sugar and eating consistently I could have had time to work on this, but no one has!! I spent the rest of the afternoon basically crying and not wanting to eat anything. It was horrible!!
Needless to say, I'm really struggling. My goal for this weekend is to make a meal plan and come up with ideas for quick, easy meals that I can have ready to eat either when or shortly after I get home. The nice part is that Cam will be off his FTO at his new job in a couple weeks so he can come home for dinner and I'm not just cooking for me. I tend to eat crappier when that's the case. :-S *sigh* I'm very frustrated and overwhelmed by gestational diabetes. I want to be a normal pregnant lady and just eat when I want, what I want, any time. I can't do that...two hours between everything I stick in my mouth and carb limits. All I want is a piece of freaken cake!!!
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Prenatal Yoga & Birthing Classes
I did my first prenatal yoga class yesterday...not too shabby! Is it bad to say that the last 20 minutes of just breathing and relaxation exercises were by far my favorite? It was the first time I felt like I had truly meditated ever...amazing. The stretches helped some, but after sleeping in bed last night, I feel just as bad as any other day. I'm thinking that's because I need to keep doing yoga. And I think I will!
The instructor was nice enough, but she was subbing, so I'm thinking maybe I'll like the regular instructor more. I guess I had really high expectations and felt a bit disappointed. I thought I'd come out feeling excellent and all stretched and worked out and I just didn't quite feel that way. I'm not sure if this is because I didn't do some of the stretches fully and properly. This correction really should come from the instructor though, right? I don't know...
Like I said, I think the relaxation time at the end was the best...you get in a comfortable, semi reclined position with your legs butterflied out and held with support of a band and supports under your knees and just work on breathing...amazing. In all honesty, I think I'll keep doing the class just for that 20 minutes in lieu of doing a birthing class. Lol!
Speaking of birthing classes...we have decided not to do one. We're basically being told that the chances of a natural birth with twins is about 25%! That's nothing! And the birthing classes in the area aren't convenient for hubby's schedule or for the cost. You'd think that birthing classes would be free if they really wanted you to take them...especially as they are put on (at least in part) by the hospital we use. But I'm sorry, $125 is a little much!! Just saying! I'll use a video from the center's library and do it on my own time. They do offer an online option, but again, is that 25% chance a good reason to spend $125? Yet again...I had always pictured doing these great things...birthing classes where my husband and I bond while we learn about how our baby will be born. Though I do admit that a good 50% of the reason we're not doing the class is because of hubby's schedule. Gotta love it.
Doctor's appointment today! Routine visit, but I fully intend to ask about my constant heartburn (no matter what I eat)...why my diabetic counselor never calls back...and I want to hear their heart beats! :)
The instructor was nice enough, but she was subbing, so I'm thinking maybe I'll like the regular instructor more. I guess I had really high expectations and felt a bit disappointed. I thought I'd come out feeling excellent and all stretched and worked out and I just didn't quite feel that way. I'm not sure if this is because I didn't do some of the stretches fully and properly. This correction really should come from the instructor though, right? I don't know...
Like I said, I think the relaxation time at the end was the best...you get in a comfortable, semi reclined position with your legs butterflied out and held with support of a band and supports under your knees and just work on breathing...amazing. In all honesty, I think I'll keep doing the class just for that 20 minutes in lieu of doing a birthing class. Lol!
Speaking of birthing classes...we have decided not to do one. We're basically being told that the chances of a natural birth with twins is about 25%! That's nothing! And the birthing classes in the area aren't convenient for hubby's schedule or for the cost. You'd think that birthing classes would be free if they really wanted you to take them...especially as they are put on (at least in part) by the hospital we use. But I'm sorry, $125 is a little much!! Just saying! I'll use a video from the center's library and do it on my own time. They do offer an online option, but again, is that 25% chance a good reason to spend $125? Yet again...I had always pictured doing these great things...birthing classes where my husband and I bond while we learn about how our baby will be born. Though I do admit that a good 50% of the reason we're not doing the class is because of hubby's schedule. Gotta love it.
Doctor's appointment today! Routine visit, but I fully intend to ask about my constant heartburn (no matter what I eat)...why my diabetic counselor never calls back...and I want to hear their heart beats! :)
Monday, August 13, 2012
Pregnancy Photos
I feel like I'm portraying an awful lot of negativity and totally don't mean to be! I kind of meant this to be an outlet for frustrations and excitement and my "pregnancy journal" since I'm horrible about keeping the hard copy one I have...I think I'm using this a lot to explain how things are so different from what I thought they would be. So many things are not going like I had originally thought they would...none necessarily BAD but different. Nothing wrong with that though. It's my journey with my husband and my boys. I guess that's what this is more than anything...an explanation of my journey and the feelings that go with it...great, good, bad, and ugly.
So pregnancy photos...yes...those. Belly pictures. Okay, again, I refuse to post them on Facebook because it always annoys me when people do it. It's interesting, don't get me wrong, but being someone dealing with infertility, it wasn't exactly a fun thing to see. It had to be the right kind of day. Even now I get irritated by belly photos (don't even get me started on ultrasound photos, that's a whole nother rant...) on Facebook. I promise to post some pictures here, but, being at work right now, it's not something I have at my disposal...I'll add them later. :)
Anyways...so those belly photos that during my infertility journey I thought I would relish in taking and take one every week...right. I didn't even take a pre photo. Of course, my OHSS kind of threw off taking a picture when we first found out since the fluid in my belly made it look like I was four months pregnant at just 4 weeks. :-S Needless to say my first belly photo was at 14 weeks. I guess I was also skeptical of taking photos before 14 weeks because what if I had a miscarriage? I didn't want proof of having something growing in my belly to look back at...it was really scary for me until 14 weeks. Heck, it's still scary! I can't even begin to explain the nervousness and anxiety of being pregnant...yet again, another post to try to portray those feelings.
I did take another photo at 17 weeks. And we haven't done another since. Almost a month later. I need to do one this week for sure...I can't put it off anymore! Especially since my belly feels like it has doubled in size in four weeks! The comparison is interesting...like I've said before...I was not a thin person to begin with, so if anything my belly just looks like it gets firmer...another reason not to share the pictures on Facebook...proof of my fatness for the world to see, no thanks! Lol!
I am jealous of the girls who do the same clothes every week and then create this little flip book of their growing belly. Ugh! Wish I could do that or felt comfortable doing it...but on the other hand, this is my journey, right? Nothing says I have to be like anyone else! :)
What I will be doing is maternity photos. My fabulous friend has so graciously asked me to be her model so she can work on her portfolio and I'm all too excited to do it! The key is getting the hubby on board. He's not a big photo person...but I LOVE photos...a photographer at heart, I love having photos...being in the moment and having them taken, not so much...we are always most critical of pictures of ourselves, right? Yeah, I have a hard time liking photos of myself...but maybe this will be different. Proof of the two little beings actually being in my belly. :)
I asked other moms of multiples (MoMs) for ideas for photos and when to take them. The recommendation ranged anywhere from 24 to 34 weeks...I'm not sure that I have that cute actual pregnant looking belly QUITE yet...but maybe by 24 I will. Many warned me against waiting too long in the chance that I may not get to even do the photos because something could go wrong like bedrest or preterm labor. But if the photos aren't even going to look like I'm remotely a cute pregnant lady, I'm not sure I'd want them anyways, so I think I'm willing to take the risk and wait until at least 28 weeks. Plus, for our location, that's the most beautiful time of year...fall foliage. Can't resist my beautiful trees full of colorful leaves. :) I'm kind of excited to see what my friend comes up with for ideas.
In the meantime, I've been playing on Pinterest...addicting as all...but I've found some really cute maternity photos...check it out!!
My first prenatal yoga class tonight...perhaps I'll log back in to fill you in on how that goes! :) I'm hoping it helps with my sciatica issues...and maybe even my gestational diabetes...
So pregnancy photos...yes...those. Belly pictures. Okay, again, I refuse to post them on Facebook because it always annoys me when people do it. It's interesting, don't get me wrong, but being someone dealing with infertility, it wasn't exactly a fun thing to see. It had to be the right kind of day. Even now I get irritated by belly photos (don't even get me started on ultrasound photos, that's a whole nother rant...) on Facebook. I promise to post some pictures here, but, being at work right now, it's not something I have at my disposal...I'll add them later. :)
Anyways...so those belly photos that during my infertility journey I thought I would relish in taking and take one every week...right. I didn't even take a pre photo. Of course, my OHSS kind of threw off taking a picture when we first found out since the fluid in my belly made it look like I was four months pregnant at just 4 weeks. :-S Needless to say my first belly photo was at 14 weeks. I guess I was also skeptical of taking photos before 14 weeks because what if I had a miscarriage? I didn't want proof of having something growing in my belly to look back at...it was really scary for me until 14 weeks. Heck, it's still scary! I can't even begin to explain the nervousness and anxiety of being pregnant...yet again, another post to try to portray those feelings.
I did take another photo at 17 weeks. And we haven't done another since. Almost a month later. I need to do one this week for sure...I can't put it off anymore! Especially since my belly feels like it has doubled in size in four weeks! The comparison is interesting...like I've said before...I was not a thin person to begin with, so if anything my belly just looks like it gets firmer...another reason not to share the pictures on Facebook...proof of my fatness for the world to see, no thanks! Lol!
I am jealous of the girls who do the same clothes every week and then create this little flip book of their growing belly. Ugh! Wish I could do that or felt comfortable doing it...but on the other hand, this is my journey, right? Nothing says I have to be like anyone else! :)
What I will be doing is maternity photos. My fabulous friend has so graciously asked me to be her model so she can work on her portfolio and I'm all too excited to do it! The key is getting the hubby on board. He's not a big photo person...but I LOVE photos...a photographer at heart, I love having photos...being in the moment and having them taken, not so much...we are always most critical of pictures of ourselves, right? Yeah, I have a hard time liking photos of myself...but maybe this will be different. Proof of the two little beings actually being in my belly. :)
I asked other moms of multiples (MoMs) for ideas for photos and when to take them. The recommendation ranged anywhere from 24 to 34 weeks...I'm not sure that I have that cute actual pregnant looking belly QUITE yet...but maybe by 24 I will. Many warned me against waiting too long in the chance that I may not get to even do the photos because something could go wrong like bedrest or preterm labor. But if the photos aren't even going to look like I'm remotely a cute pregnant lady, I'm not sure I'd want them anyways, so I think I'm willing to take the risk and wait until at least 28 weeks. Plus, for our location, that's the most beautiful time of year...fall foliage. Can't resist my beautiful trees full of colorful leaves. :) I'm kind of excited to see what my friend comes up with for ideas.
In the meantime, I've been playing on Pinterest...addicting as all...but I've found some really cute maternity photos...check it out!!
My first prenatal yoga class tonight...perhaps I'll log back in to fill you in on how that goes! :) I'm hoping it helps with my sciatica issues...and maybe even my gestational diabetes...
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Pregnancy Pains
I vowed I wouldn't complain about being pregnant because I pushed away people who did that when I was trying to get pregnant and was so discouraged. HOWEVER, I'm going to take a quick break from that...
Firstly, whoever tells you that being pregnant is this most amazing and wonderful experience...yeah, well I haven't felt that way! All I ever told my husband is that I wanted to experience being pregnant because everyone says it's so awesome. And maybe I'll feel differently after the boys are here...and maybe I'm discouraged because I'm not carrying one, but two babies (and don't have the experience of carrying one to compare to). I have no idea. All I can say is it ISN'T EASY!!
Mind you, I was not the most healthy person before I got pregnant. My BMI made me "obsese" (yeah, okay, I hate that word...), but at the same time, good 'ole PCOS is kind of to blame for that. It's also to blame for not being able to lose the weight that I so desperately wanted to. PCOS means you have an insulin resistance (more on that later...) which is hard to fight off and deal with. It makes you tired so you don't want to exercise when you get home from a 12 hour day of work. But in turn, the fix is exercising (imagine that). Then the other problem is your body craves carbs (my fave, yum!), but the only way to curb that is to cut back on carbs. Um, hello, anyone else confused here? A very frustrating battle. So needless to say, I'm not in the best of shape.
Besides the point...from the very beginning, because of my OHSS, I was uncomfortable. I might as well have been 5 months pregnant with all that fluid in my belly...it was that distended and hard. And of course the OHSS made me sleepy as all...on top of growing two placentas making me sleepy! Now that I am 5 months pregnant, my belly is starting to grow at an unbelievable rate. I feel like I must look more and more pregnant every single day. Even my maternity clothes are starting to get too short for my belly! (And I'll b$*!*( about shopping for maternity clothes at a later time, too, you better believe it.)
All that growing means that my center of balance is thrown off...and on top of that my sciatic nerves are horribly fussy. The whole random pains that shoot from my hip all the way down my thigh are not all that fabulous. And of course this happens about once every week now. To top it off, every time I get up at work, my lower back will crack, but of course that doesn't provide the relief that actually being able to crack my back would provide...which of course I can't do because I can't twist my body enough to do it...UGH!
Another pregnancy pain that many people don't warn you about is your growing uterus...um, it HURTS!! And when you first feel it, you aren't really sure what it is...it's this twinging and pulling feeling that, when you're 10-12 weeks pregnant is one's biggest fear could be something else. Instead, it's your round ligaments stretching and pulling. And they HURT! Now at five months pregnant, I get a baby pushing down on the bottom of my uterus that accentuates that feeling well beyond anything I could ever describe.
Thankfully I've had very little swelling of my ankles, but that doesn't mean I don't ask my hubby to rub them any chance I can because they still hurt! And you want t know what the doctor's solution to all this is? Exercise. Ugh! I know!! If I didn't give all my energy to making two babies grow in my belly, maybe I'd have the energy to exercise!
On a good note, I do think I am going to try to do prenatal yoga. I'm hoping that will relieve ALL of these symptoms! A girl can hope! So yes, this is my complaining session about pregnancy pains and the realistic view that pregnancy may be really awesome, but it is a pain in the butt (literally!)!! I'm sure when it's all over, I'll want to do it all over again, but right now, my feelings toward that are saying not so much...
Firstly, whoever tells you that being pregnant is this most amazing and wonderful experience...yeah, well I haven't felt that way! All I ever told my husband is that I wanted to experience being pregnant because everyone says it's so awesome. And maybe I'll feel differently after the boys are here...and maybe I'm discouraged because I'm not carrying one, but two babies (and don't have the experience of carrying one to compare to). I have no idea. All I can say is it ISN'T EASY!!
Mind you, I was not the most healthy person before I got pregnant. My BMI made me "obsese" (yeah, okay, I hate that word...), but at the same time, good 'ole PCOS is kind of to blame for that. It's also to blame for not being able to lose the weight that I so desperately wanted to. PCOS means you have an insulin resistance (more on that later...) which is hard to fight off and deal with. It makes you tired so you don't want to exercise when you get home from a 12 hour day of work. But in turn, the fix is exercising (imagine that). Then the other problem is your body craves carbs (my fave, yum!), but the only way to curb that is to cut back on carbs. Um, hello, anyone else confused here? A very frustrating battle. So needless to say, I'm not in the best of shape.
Besides the point...from the very beginning, because of my OHSS, I was uncomfortable. I might as well have been 5 months pregnant with all that fluid in my belly...it was that distended and hard. And of course the OHSS made me sleepy as all...on top of growing two placentas making me sleepy! Now that I am 5 months pregnant, my belly is starting to grow at an unbelievable rate. I feel like I must look more and more pregnant every single day. Even my maternity clothes are starting to get too short for my belly! (And I'll b$*!*( about shopping for maternity clothes at a later time, too, you better believe it.)
All that growing means that my center of balance is thrown off...and on top of that my sciatic nerves are horribly fussy. The whole random pains that shoot from my hip all the way down my thigh are not all that fabulous. And of course this happens about once every week now. To top it off, every time I get up at work, my lower back will crack, but of course that doesn't provide the relief that actually being able to crack my back would provide...which of course I can't do because I can't twist my body enough to do it...UGH!
Another pregnancy pain that many people don't warn you about is your growing uterus...um, it HURTS!! And when you first feel it, you aren't really sure what it is...it's this twinging and pulling feeling that, when you're 10-12 weeks pregnant is one's biggest fear could be something else. Instead, it's your round ligaments stretching and pulling. And they HURT! Now at five months pregnant, I get a baby pushing down on the bottom of my uterus that accentuates that feeling well beyond anything I could ever describe.
Thankfully I've had very little swelling of my ankles, but that doesn't mean I don't ask my hubby to rub them any chance I can because they still hurt! And you want t know what the doctor's solution to all this is? Exercise. Ugh! I know!! If I didn't give all my energy to making two babies grow in my belly, maybe I'd have the energy to exercise!
On a good note, I do think I am going to try to do prenatal yoga. I'm hoping that will relieve ALL of these symptoms! A girl can hope! So yes, this is my complaining session about pregnancy pains and the realistic view that pregnancy may be really awesome, but it is a pain in the butt (literally!)!! I'm sure when it's all over, I'll want to do it all over again, but right now, my feelings toward that are saying not so much...
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Sharing our News
I always dreamed of sharing the news of our pregnancy in such a different way. Infertility and IVF really took that away from me. Though I guess if I hadn't been so open about these things, I also could have had a bigger way of announcing it to our family and friends. Then again, without their support through it all, would it have even worked? It's a really hard thing when I had always imagined sharing with our parents the way my husband wanted to and we just couldn't. And at what point do you share vs. don't you? It was such a difficult time for us, sharing our news, that it seems, in hindsight, like everything else overshadowed the excitement.
A little background...IVF can cause complications (duh, what medical procedure can't, right?). Things like infection, clots, and ovarian hyper stimulation to name a few. I was one of the unlucky few who had ovarian hyper stimulation. I went back to work two days after our embryo transfer and slowly started feeling worse and worse and more and more bloated. After about 9 days, I decided I'd had enough and called my doctor. I went in for ultrasounds and blood work to find out that my abdomen was filled with fluid. When your ovaries are stimulated to produce eggs, the blood vessels around them can begin to not hold fluid, so hey, the more water you drink, the more fluid you get...and I drink a lot of water. I had almost 2 liters of fluid drained from my abdomen the same day I found out I was pregnant.
With hubby's work, he wasn't at the hospital with me. I'm lucky and have some amazing coworkers that joined me at the hospital as a lot of my day was spent sitting around and waiting and I was so uncomfortable and restless. However, in that situation all I wanted was my husband. After being at the hospital for almost 6 hours, they finally told me that I was pregnant...and that I'd need a paracentesis (the process of having the fluid drained). I called my husband and told him, but I had really dreamed of us sitting together and finding out. Yet my first disappointment.
I had called my mother-in-law knowing I couldn't drive myself home and needed someone to do it, so she was at the hospital with me for my paracentesis. This procedure is VERY uncomfortable. They use a transvaginal ultrasound guided needle and no anesthesia whatsoever and drain the fluid from around your ovaries. Very very painful initially, though the process of drawing back the fluid is not. My fabulous fertility doctor stopped in before the procedure to congratulate me...before I had told my mother-in-law that I was pregnant. Woops! So here I am sitting with my legs up and I tell my mother-in-law. Yup...that's an exciting way to share. Cam had always wanted to tell his mom by giving her a "happy ____, grandma" card. So much for that!
During all this, I had refused to call my parents. I didn't want them to worry. I knew my mother-in-law could keep me sane through it all and my own mom would be so worried it would make it worse for me. So after spending all day in the hospital and being put out of work for the foreseeable future (and also not being able to drive for the foreseeable future), I figured I should call my parents. So I had to give them the bad (OHSS) and good (yay, you're gonna be grandparents) news over the phone. I didn't get to see their faces or share in a big hug when I told them. Highly disappointing.
For my friends, the few that knew what was going on, I let know when we found out. I would have anyways, so that really wasn't any different. But then again, the only reason I would have let them know was because they knew about my IVF and our fertility struggles... And then my coworkers...it would have been nice to wait until I was at least 12 weeks to tell them, but after being out of work for 5 days for IVF and then being out for the OHSS, I knew that I couldn't really say, "Hey, yeah, I had IVF a month ago and I still don't know." Yeah, right. Actually most of my coworkers knew before most of our family. Then again, I'm with them EVERY day.
We did wait until 12 weeks, after we'd heard the babies' heart beats at our OB appointment, before telling the rest of the family. And at this point we had pictures to share, too. :) We got to tell all of our grandparents in person, which was nice. The babies are not their first great grandchildren (with the exception of my maternal grandparents), but are the first great grandsons, which is exciting. They are all so happy for us. I mean, it's different than our cousins in a way...we've been together 9 years, married for 4, own a house, have great jobs...we're very settled and as ready as one can ever be for children.
After three years of infertility, I also chose not to share anything on Facebook officially. It just felt so tacky. And after fighting with infertility and being frustrated, jealous, and upset when others would make silly big announcements and change their profile pictures to their ultrasound, I just didn't want to do that to any friends I may have going through the same thing. It's not fair. I also don't complain about my pregnancy on Facebook. There are things that suck, no doubt, about being pregnant, but I'm so blessed to even be here that it's hard to have complaints. Another thing I don't want anyone struggling with infertility to see...me complaining about being pregnant when that's all someone with infertility wants. I used to get SO mad when people would do that. It was all I wanted and someone was b#$(!()$*ing about it...no thanks, I won't be that person!
Hindsight, I'm not sure I would have changed any of the ways we told our family, but at the same time, I sometimes wish that we hadn't had this silly battle with infertility and had to do IVF...the excitement would have been so much more fun to share if we could have had a fun pregnancy announcement. I like to check out all the fun pictures of how people told their families...using pets, other kids, etc. And I do wish we could have done this, but I know that life has a strange way of working out and no way is a better way than another...it's just the way it is.
A little background...IVF can cause complications (duh, what medical procedure can't, right?). Things like infection, clots, and ovarian hyper stimulation to name a few. I was one of the unlucky few who had ovarian hyper stimulation. I went back to work two days after our embryo transfer and slowly started feeling worse and worse and more and more bloated. After about 9 days, I decided I'd had enough and called my doctor. I went in for ultrasounds and blood work to find out that my abdomen was filled with fluid. When your ovaries are stimulated to produce eggs, the blood vessels around them can begin to not hold fluid, so hey, the more water you drink, the more fluid you get...and I drink a lot of water. I had almost 2 liters of fluid drained from my abdomen the same day I found out I was pregnant.
With hubby's work, he wasn't at the hospital with me. I'm lucky and have some amazing coworkers that joined me at the hospital as a lot of my day was spent sitting around and waiting and I was so uncomfortable and restless. However, in that situation all I wanted was my husband. After being at the hospital for almost 6 hours, they finally told me that I was pregnant...and that I'd need a paracentesis (the process of having the fluid drained). I called my husband and told him, but I had really dreamed of us sitting together and finding out. Yet my first disappointment.
I had called my mother-in-law knowing I couldn't drive myself home and needed someone to do it, so she was at the hospital with me for my paracentesis. This procedure is VERY uncomfortable. They use a transvaginal ultrasound guided needle and no anesthesia whatsoever and drain the fluid from around your ovaries. Very very painful initially, though the process of drawing back the fluid is not. My fabulous fertility doctor stopped in before the procedure to congratulate me...before I had told my mother-in-law that I was pregnant. Woops! So here I am sitting with my legs up and I tell my mother-in-law. Yup...that's an exciting way to share. Cam had always wanted to tell his mom by giving her a "happy ____, grandma" card. So much for that!
During all this, I had refused to call my parents. I didn't want them to worry. I knew my mother-in-law could keep me sane through it all and my own mom would be so worried it would make it worse for me. So after spending all day in the hospital and being put out of work for the foreseeable future (and also not being able to drive for the foreseeable future), I figured I should call my parents. So I had to give them the bad (OHSS) and good (yay, you're gonna be grandparents) news over the phone. I didn't get to see their faces or share in a big hug when I told them. Highly disappointing.
For my friends, the few that knew what was going on, I let know when we found out. I would have anyways, so that really wasn't any different. But then again, the only reason I would have let them know was because they knew about my IVF and our fertility struggles... And then my coworkers...it would have been nice to wait until I was at least 12 weeks to tell them, but after being out of work for 5 days for IVF and then being out for the OHSS, I knew that I couldn't really say, "Hey, yeah, I had IVF a month ago and I still don't know." Yeah, right. Actually most of my coworkers knew before most of our family. Then again, I'm with them EVERY day.
We did wait until 12 weeks, after we'd heard the babies' heart beats at our OB appointment, before telling the rest of the family. And at this point we had pictures to share, too. :) We got to tell all of our grandparents in person, which was nice. The babies are not their first great grandchildren (with the exception of my maternal grandparents), but are the first great grandsons, which is exciting. They are all so happy for us. I mean, it's different than our cousins in a way...we've been together 9 years, married for 4, own a house, have great jobs...we're very settled and as ready as one can ever be for children.
After three years of infertility, I also chose not to share anything on Facebook officially. It just felt so tacky. And after fighting with infertility and being frustrated, jealous, and upset when others would make silly big announcements and change their profile pictures to their ultrasound, I just didn't want to do that to any friends I may have going through the same thing. It's not fair. I also don't complain about my pregnancy on Facebook. There are things that suck, no doubt, about being pregnant, but I'm so blessed to even be here that it's hard to have complaints. Another thing I don't want anyone struggling with infertility to see...me complaining about being pregnant when that's all someone with infertility wants. I used to get SO mad when people would do that. It was all I wanted and someone was b#$(!()$*ing about it...no thanks, I won't be that person!
Hindsight, I'm not sure I would have changed any of the ways we told our family, but at the same time, I sometimes wish that we hadn't had this silly battle with infertility and had to do IVF...the excitement would have been so much more fun to share if we could have had a fun pregnancy announcement. I like to check out all the fun pictures of how people told their families...using pets, other kids, etc. And I do wish we could have done this, but I know that life has a strange way of working out and no way is a better way than another...it's just the way it is.
Monday, August 6, 2012
Intro
As I was thinking about all the things that I thought would be different being pregnant, I realized I should just start a blog...to share my daily ponderings but also to share the great, the good, the bad, and the ugly of not only being pregnant with twins but raising them.
I'm going to make today's focus be on how we got here and some of my feelings leading up to today. Be forewarned, I'm blatantly honest and brutally truthful at times. If you don't like it, I don't care. I'm writing this for me, my family, my boys, and anyone who actually does care.
Starting at the beginning...I knew from my teenage years I had PCOS, but hey, at 14, who the heck knows what that is or what it means, right? For inquiring minds...PCOS stands for poly cystic ovarian syndrome. For some, it's just a hormonal imbalance while for others it can mean painful cysts on your ovaries (hey, that's where the name comes from). I'm one of the lucky few who got diagnosed and prescribed birth control to deal with the hormones...hence never dealing with cysts. What it did mean is that when my husband and I tried to get pregnant, it meant some pretty big hurdles. After a struggle at trying the good old fashioned way, we sought out the help of fertility doctors. After three different oral medications and no luck, we moved on to injectable medications. Now let me tell you, these are NOT fun and they are NOT covered by most insurances...and are VERY expensive.
My feelings of unfairness started here...I got frustrated and jealous of everyone around me who could lay on top of each other and get pregnant on the first try. I pushed away these friends and really sought out people who could accept that I had these feelings. The reason I share this here is because I want mommas to know that it's okay...it's normal. SHARE with people that understand. It's the only way I was able to make it through. And honestly, some people couldn't understand, but they were supportive and didn't judge me for being a horrible b#@!($ because I was hurt and upset.
Anyways, that's besides the point...injectable medications are only fun for so long until they don't work either. I was ovulating (finally!) and they still weren't working. Eventually you have to measure the cost versus the benefit. This is where, after 5 tries with injectable medications and over $10k later, we decided that IVF would be a more cost effective route. And so it went...
IVF stands for invitro-fertilziation. It's what most old-timers like to call "test tube babies." They take my pieces (eggs) and my husband's pieces (sperm) and meet them in a lab and hope that the sperm fertilize the eggs. We were lucky with 9 eggs from my egg harvest, but not so lucky that only 4 fertlized. After three days of growing from blastocysts to embryos, we were able to see how well the little things had done...yet another unlucky. Doctors like to see 6-8 cell embryos and then they grade them A-F on their visual quality. We had a 6-cell B, 6 cell B-, 5 cell B, and a 4 cell C. Not so good. When you're paying almost $10k out of your pocket, what do you do? Do you transfer one of the 6 cell embryos and hope it works and know that the chances of freezing any after that day are about zilch? Or do you transfer two and take your shot? Well, we made the decision that it was all or nothing and transferred two. After all we wanted two kids, right? What's the harm in getting it over with in one shot?
At 6 weeks, we went in for an ultrasound and saw what looked like two sacs but only one visible yolk sac (this is what develops into baby and all its pieces). Sometimes mommas can see a heart beat at this stage, but we didn't have any luck. Back again 10 days later we saw two babies and two heart beats. Most exciting moment of my life! Though...I have to say, they didn't really look like babies...more like blobs. That's okay though, I knew they were babies...my babies.
With some concerns over an ectopic pregnancy, we went back for another ultrasound two weeks later and saw the babies again...this time they looked like gummy bears. A little more like babies finally! This is when our wonderful reproductive team turned us over to the obstetrics team. Ten days later, we went in for that first visit and heard the babies' heart beats for the first time. Completely different feeling from seeing them! Hearing them was amazing!
A couple of months later we FINALLY got to see our babies again. This time for almost an hour and a half...and to find out that we were having two...BOYS! Now don't get me wrong, with fraternal twins, I really was hoping for one of each, BUT I have to say, I'm really really excited for two boys. I've wanted a son since I knew I wanted kids and to have two is such a blessing. We've chosen their names...well at least their first names...Samuel and Andrew, or Sam and Andy for short. And we are soooo very excited for their arrival!!
At 20 weeks, that's our story so far, but my hope is to share more bits and pieces each day! Keep checking back!!
I'm going to make today's focus be on how we got here and some of my feelings leading up to today. Be forewarned, I'm blatantly honest and brutally truthful at times. If you don't like it, I don't care. I'm writing this for me, my family, my boys, and anyone who actually does care.
Starting at the beginning...I knew from my teenage years I had PCOS, but hey, at 14, who the heck knows what that is or what it means, right? For inquiring minds...PCOS stands for poly cystic ovarian syndrome. For some, it's just a hormonal imbalance while for others it can mean painful cysts on your ovaries (hey, that's where the name comes from). I'm one of the lucky few who got diagnosed and prescribed birth control to deal with the hormones...hence never dealing with cysts. What it did mean is that when my husband and I tried to get pregnant, it meant some pretty big hurdles. After a struggle at trying the good old fashioned way, we sought out the help of fertility doctors. After three different oral medications and no luck, we moved on to injectable medications. Now let me tell you, these are NOT fun and they are NOT covered by most insurances...and are VERY expensive.
My feelings of unfairness started here...I got frustrated and jealous of everyone around me who could lay on top of each other and get pregnant on the first try. I pushed away these friends and really sought out people who could accept that I had these feelings. The reason I share this here is because I want mommas to know that it's okay...it's normal. SHARE with people that understand. It's the only way I was able to make it through. And honestly, some people couldn't understand, but they were supportive and didn't judge me for being a horrible b#@!($ because I was hurt and upset.
Anyways, that's besides the point...injectable medications are only fun for so long until they don't work either. I was ovulating (finally!) and they still weren't working. Eventually you have to measure the cost versus the benefit. This is where, after 5 tries with injectable medications and over $10k later, we decided that IVF would be a more cost effective route. And so it went...
IVF stands for invitro-fertilziation. It's what most old-timers like to call "test tube babies." They take my pieces (eggs) and my husband's pieces (sperm) and meet them in a lab and hope that the sperm fertilize the eggs. We were lucky with 9 eggs from my egg harvest, but not so lucky that only 4 fertlized. After three days of growing from blastocysts to embryos, we were able to see how well the little things had done...yet another unlucky. Doctors like to see 6-8 cell embryos and then they grade them A-F on their visual quality. We had a 6-cell B, 6 cell B-, 5 cell B, and a 4 cell C. Not so good. When you're paying almost $10k out of your pocket, what do you do? Do you transfer one of the 6 cell embryos and hope it works and know that the chances of freezing any after that day are about zilch? Or do you transfer two and take your shot? Well, we made the decision that it was all or nothing and transferred two. After all we wanted two kids, right? What's the harm in getting it over with in one shot?
At 6 weeks, we went in for an ultrasound and saw what looked like two sacs but only one visible yolk sac (this is what develops into baby and all its pieces). Sometimes mommas can see a heart beat at this stage, but we didn't have any luck. Back again 10 days later we saw two babies and two heart beats. Most exciting moment of my life! Though...I have to say, they didn't really look like babies...more like blobs. That's okay though, I knew they were babies...my babies.
With some concerns over an ectopic pregnancy, we went back for another ultrasound two weeks later and saw the babies again...this time they looked like gummy bears. A little more like babies finally! This is when our wonderful reproductive team turned us over to the obstetrics team. Ten days later, we went in for that first visit and heard the babies' heart beats for the first time. Completely different feeling from seeing them! Hearing them was amazing!
A couple of months later we FINALLY got to see our babies again. This time for almost an hour and a half...and to find out that we were having two...BOYS! Now don't get me wrong, with fraternal twins, I really was hoping for one of each, BUT I have to say, I'm really really excited for two boys. I've wanted a son since I knew I wanted kids and to have two is such a blessing. We've chosen their names...well at least their first names...Samuel and Andrew, or Sam and Andy for short. And we are soooo very excited for their arrival!!
At 20 weeks, that's our story so far, but my hope is to share more bits and pieces each day! Keep checking back!!
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