What the F?

Fertility crap is frustrating.  There's no better way to put it.  I can't help but wonder what my body has been doing over the past few months while I've been having progressively longer cycles and then the strangest period in my life.  But again, I know that time will tell.

IVF preparation is under way.  All of my tests are done and we have a goal of this fall/winter.  My goal is for this time around to maybe go a little smoother and to maybe be able to surprise our families and friends, so I'll keep the exact time frame to myself.  And I promise to blog (and not post until announcements have been made officially) about every step of the journey even from day one, for those of you that care.

I can't believe this is where we are again and I'm terrified of the journey of IVF yet again.  Last time around wasn't all that pleasant...I had a really rough go after my transfer.  I just have to keep trusting that the doctors have learned something about my body each time.  That they learned from my pregnancy and how to help me through all of that.

Part of me is glad we are working with the infertility team for another pregnancy.  Because of that, I know that I will be closely monitored from day one.  I will have ultrasounds super early and know if my little one has a heart beat at the first chance possible.  Those are opportunities I wouldn't have if we weren't working with our fertility team.  And they are part of what will keep me sane for my first trimester...well, at least in part.

I don't know if you want to call it luck or what, but I am lucky to have a great nurse.  She is not only a fabulous practitioner, but has become a wonderful friend and shoulder to cry on.  She is familiar with the preemie journey, though her little one survived.  She knows us and knows how to comfort us.  She never makes me feel rushed when I call even though I am sure she has plenty of things to do and plenty of other patients.  She is by far the most caring and loving nurse I have ever dealt with in all of this journey.  I am so thankful she has been a part of it.

Meanwhile, I have a wonderful doctor who has done loads of research.  He's a member of the board of the Society for Reproductive Medicine and is a very acclaimed and respected doctor not only nationally but internationally.  He knows his stuff.  I trust him wholeheartedly.  Unfortunately he's leaving at the end of the year and I am so disappointed he won't be with us for a complete journey.  But at the same time, I am so excited for the honor that he will have to move his career so far forward.  And I get the honor of saying he got me pregnant at least once!  He truly cares.  He listens.  He doesn't make me feel stupid for asking any of my questions, and I always leave my appointments feeling fulfilled from our conversations.

The hard part is that the only remaining doctor is not one of my favorites.  I'm a little discouraged that she will be the only one left.  It will mean a lot of rethinking our journey when next year rolls around.  Whether staying with our nurse and working with a doctor we don't like is worth it or whether approaching another practice and doctor will be appropriate.  So that piece is a little overwhelming and anxiety inducing, but I think we'll figure it out.  And who knows, we may not even need to think about it, so here is hoping!!